I
remember myself being very unsatisfied with my level of success for a
long time. Although I had great interactions with girls and got tons of numbers, I felt very unhappy
with my level of success after about one year of game. The reason for this was simple: I constantly compared myself with the best ones. I
set myself a much to high standard and it was impossible to live up to
it at the time. Because my criteria for success was being perfect, I couldn’t appreciate the real level of
success that I had reached. I
was beating myself up for not being able to attract every woman in
this world. This feeling of pain was actually bigger than my joy of getting better and
better in meeting women.
This
also occurred in other areas. When I started doing daygame I had an
overwhelming fear to approach girls using a direct opener. But
then, after some weeks I had figured out how to act despite of my
emotions and I did a ton of daygame approaches every week. But now there was a new problem: I
couldn’t convert my daygame closes into dates. I had figured out
how to very successfully open beautiful girls on the street, how to
have a 2-5 minute conversation with them, get them attracted instantly
and then get their contact details. But
a lot of them were flakes. So what did I do? Guess what… I was
constantly beating myself up for not being able to instantly have a sexual relationship with those
girls. Having unrealistic high standards and not accepting and
appreciating my small successes – which were actually huge break
throughs - made me unsatisfied.
So
I had to learn how to be grateful for my journey and appreciate my
level of success. A good way of doing this is by writing a self
development diary and by holding record of all your successes. As soon
as I did this, I really started to see my successes and appreciated
them. By holding record of my
successes I could see that things where moving in the right direction
and that I was making progresses every week. So
I really want to encourage you to do the same and hold record of your
personal development process. This way you are able to observe and
intensify the experience of your transformation and really appreciate
the changes you are going through every day and every week.
Something else that frustrated me for a long time was the pace of my transformation. I was so hungry for success that I wanted it instantly. I
wanted to became good with women and a better person as fast as
possible. Unfortunately this was a huge source of stress for me, because
I was ignoring my own inner rhythm of transformation. I wanted results
too fast and thus didn’t pay any attention to my personal learning curve
and pace. So what I found out is that every person has his own rhythm
of transformation. It usually oscillates between these three phases :
Phase 1: Pain and dissatisfaction:
During this phase you feel unsatisfied with the current level of your
success. You’re hungry for more development and transformation and link
pain to not taking enough action towards your goals. You say: « Enough
of this, it’s time to grow... »
Phase 2: Willpower and action:
In this phase you use your willpower to make the changes that you want
in your life. This involves: Setting your new goals, making decisions,
working on an action plan and finally taking action. You step out of
your comfort zone and commit yourself to reach the goals and standards
you have set for yourself.
Phase 3: Incorporation of the learned:
In this phase you feel satisfied because you took specific actions
towards your goals and reached a level of new success. You have
successfully stepped out of your comfort zone and thus grown your
personality. Even if you didn’t reach your goals 100% you still took
action and made noticeable progress. Even if you only reached 20% of
your goals, you have successfully grown. Just set smaller and more
achievable goals the next time. However, by taking action you have
learned tons of new stuff and made lots of new reference experiences.
Your unconscious mind automatically implements the new learned stuff.
Optional Phase 4: Observing Ego Session:
In this optional phase you consciously direct your awareness to the
changes and the transformation you have experienced during the last
three phases. You look at what you have learned and appreciate the new
level of success you have reached. Examples for this phase are: Writing a
success / self development diary. Holding record of your successes.
Talking with close friends about your experiences etc. It’s importent to
add this optional phase to the three natural phases of transformation
in order to appreciate your changes and feel gratitude for where you are
on your journey of personal transformation.
The
pace of your growth simply depends on the speed of oscillation between
these phases. The quicker you run through the cycle of these phases, the
faster you will get success. The
faster you progress from « pain and unsatisfaction » to « willpower and
action » and start over again, the faster you grow. But what determines
how fast and in what intervalls you run through this cycle of
transformation? It
really just comes down to how much you want success. If you really want
it bad, you will link more « pain and dissatisfaction » to where you are
and thus you will be automatically pulled towards taking more action.
However, it’s important to find your own rhythm. If you run through the
cycle too fast, you may feel overwhelmed and burn out. If you run
through the cycle too slow, you may feel depressive. Just find your own, personal rhythm and then stick with it. Just observe in which intervalls you link massive amounts of pain and dissatisfaction to where you are in your journey. And you will quickly discover your inner clock of personal growth…
Now
that you know this: Stop beating yourself up for not getting success
fast enough. Trust in the pace of your growth and acknowledge that your
transformation will take some time. As long as you’re not stagnating and
instead are oscillating between the above phases at your own inner
speed, you will finally reach your goals. If your inner clock is a
little bit slower, don’t worry. It
will just take you a little bit longer because your unconscious mind
needs more time to adjust to the process of development and
implementation of the new changes. If your inner clock is tickin’ fast, cool! That just means you’re a very fast learner and are extremely hungry for success. But
don’t forget: A big part of your reward is the journey of
transformation in itself. Finally reaching your goals and living a cool
lifestyle will one day just be a desired side product.
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