The Truth About Approach Anxiety And Outcome Dependency

One of the biggest fears when it comes to meeting women is the fear of rejection. We all know it. There’s that gorgeous girl in the club or in the daytime. And we decide to talk to her. Boooooom! Fear arises inside of us, we’re nervous and our brain floods us with negative thought patterns. Even if we don’t feel any severe approach anxiety, we are still afraid on a more subtle level. This fear is called outcome dependency.

Outcome dependency = Fear of rejection and failure.

There are two different levels of outcome dependency:

• Severe approach anxiety – Crippling fear, catastrophic thinking, sweaty palms, racing heart, being nervous, having negative thought patterns. The intensity of this form of outcome dependence is comparable to the fear of death.

• General outcome dependency – No considerable fear concerning the actual approach, but the need for validation, you are emotionally involved in the outcome, you care whether she likes you or not, her reaction dictates your state, your sense of self is dependent on her.

The first level of outcome dependency is obvious. There are clear symptoms. And as we all know our body can give us some pretty extreme sensations. Severe approach anxeity can be compared to jumping out of an airplane. It’s very intense. On the other hand, the second level of approach anxiety is more subtle. It doesn’t feel like actual fear, it’s more like an unpleasant and weird feeling in the belly. Although we think we don’t care if the girl rejects us, because the severe approach anxiety is absent, we still care on a very subtle and profound level. We need her validation. We want her to like us. We want our game to be perfect. We are emotionally involved in the outcome… and thus we are outcome dependent.

Severe approach anxiety is just an extreme form of outcome dependency. Now, most guys think they have overcome their approach anxiety as soon as level one starts to loose its intensity. The symptoms of extreme fear stop showing up. We know that we won’t die if we approach girls and we have gained enough reference experiences to back it up. That’s awesome. But in reality we still have that weird and unpleasant feeling in the belly when we approach and talk to a girl. Although we don’t have any severe approach anxiety, we still care about rejection and failure. And this caring is just a mild form of fear. We are outcome dependent. And thus, we still have fear.

Let me tell you something about outcome depencency. Outcome dependency is the number one attraction killer in the game. Girls can literally smell outcome dependency – even on a very subtle level  – and it just smells disgusting to them...

It shows them that you’re not centered in your own energy. That you have a weak sense of self. You are the effect and not the cause of the environment, your reality gets dictated by the outside world. And you are afraid. Thus she can’t feel safe by your side. If this is the way you approach women, it must be the way you approach life in general. So – in evolutionary terms – if she lets you fuck her and she gets kids, not only will you not be able to protect her and her kids but those kids will also be shy, weak and needy because you passed your genes on to them. So basically her genes will be weeded out of existence if she lets you fuck her.

So lets get down to the meat. How can you get rid of outcome dependency?

Here are some concepts and tips that can help you detach from the outcome:

• Expose yourself to rejection and failure over and over again. Rejection and failure are great. As time passes you will stop caring about the reactions you get. It will automatically force you to draw state from within and become centered as a man. With every rejection and failure your outcome dependency will fade away more and more.

• Change your outcome into something that is within your circle of influence. If your outcome is getting the girl or getting her validation, you will have a hard time meeting women. Your outcome has to be outside of pick up performance. For example, play the 30 seconds game, as Tyler from Real Social Dynamics suggests: Make your wingman count down from 30. Within that time you have to approach a girl or he will punch you in the arm. Do the same for him. This makes „beating the time“ your outcome and your outcome is not performance related. You can also narrow your criteria for success to survive for 2-minutes in every set. It doesn’t matter if they like you or not, if you reach the 2-minutes mark, it was a success. Again, it’s crucial to change your outcome into something not performance and pick up related. Be creative...

• Start meditating. If you’re present to the moment, you are not emotionally attached to the outcome. Presence is the opposite of outcome dependency. In a state of presence you are not ego-driven and you don’t care about the past and the future. You don’t have any chatter going on in your head. You’re calm and relaxed, just accepting what the present moment is giving you.