The Paradox Of Self Contentment And Determination

I have a lot of goals. I think it's no exaggeration to say I have a whole bunch of them: Unconditional things I want to do in life. States I want to achieve. It seems to be an impermeable jungle of goal setting, quests and heroic deeds surrounding me 24 hours a day.

Here are just a few random examples: getting the bachelor and the master of science in physical therapy, playing concerts, run the New York Marathon, a new relationship with a woman, snowboarding, skydiving, write a book, grade up my bass playing skills, learn to sing, learn to speak Russian fluently, learn to speak English fluently, stay healthy, find enlightenment, travel the whole USA…I could go on like this for ever.

Obviously there’s no room for boredom in my life. There is no dearth of perspectives. This is actually a blessing and a basic criterion for an awesome life. A person with no goals will have no foothold in life, no way to go forward and of course no opportunity for development.

Whereas I can use my zest for action every day, to become a stronger, more intelligent, more interesting and more unique individual.

But there is a big problem: I am discontented. I am discontented because I didn’t achieve yet what I want. It gives me a feeling of imperfectness and this feeling shows me that I am not the person I want to be yet.

In other words: I have an abundance of perspectives, goals and purposes, but a dearth of self contentment. I can’t enjoy my actual life because I strive for a better one. Although I know that my actual living situation is very good too.

I don’t want to live this way. I don’t want to run through life full of unhappiness and discontentment, always trying to chase the finish line. And after I have reached that goal, rush for the next one. And so on.

I want to achive my goals full of motivation. But I also want to live in peace with myself and my actual life.

So the main question is: how can I achieve this? How can I hit the sweet spot between ambition and laziness, while going for my goals full of motivation and fun at the same time?

Here is the answer: It’s simple!!!

In general we want to achieve goald in order to change an unsatisfying current state in a satisfying target state.

In NLP we learn that a problem is just a goal which is upside down. We just have to turn it over. We have to remodel it. That’s how we reach a desired target state. We can also use the power of remodeling for our self contentment.

Our success is defined as the final reach of the desired target state (the big goal). Our focus is entirely on the outcome. The perspective to get happiness and satisfaction in the moment we reach the big goal, is our actuation.

Now, this seems to be a suggestive and comprehensible attitude. But reaching goals is usually a long process.

We usually don’t reach our desired target states from one day to the next. Most of the time, we have to plan the process in the longterm and consistently take action. By the way: We usually try to achieve multiple goals at the same time and after reaching the first one, the next one is already waiting in the pipeline.

What’s the meaning of all this? Is the meaning of this whole situation, that we are dammed to be unhappy during the actual process of achievement, just getting a short moment of joy at the end of the process. And then jump to the next one?

NO! There is a way to change this!

The system stays the same. Success, focus and actuation are the basic criteria. There is no way you can take one of them from the formula. But what happens if we change the meaning of them? What happens if we just remodel there definitions?

What happens if we don’t define the moment of crossing the finish line, but every little step towards it as a total success?

What happens if we stop putting our focus on the end of the process, but on every little step we take towards it instead?

What happens if we don’t draw the happiness and satisfaction from reaching the goal, but from every token step towards it as our actuation?

This little tuning in our perception will make a massive difference in the judgment of our selves and our actual life.

We start to realize that we can’t fail as long as we take action. All we have to do is to live up to our standard of taking action. And take baby steps towards our goal.

That’s how we can enjoy success on a consistent basis.

We start to see that the actual success comes from taking small steps on a consistent basis. And reaching these steps feels just as good as reaching the final goal. Maybe even better.

We start to feel that it’s getting easier and easier to take the next step. Simply because we get more and more actuation from all the steps we took in the past. It’s like wind in our sails.

We start to recognize that our dreams are in reach and we get more and more certaintly about the fact that we do the right things.

We are happy and contented about all the things we reached. Ergo we are happy and contented with our actual selves and our actual living situation. We are motivated and actuated to go for our big goals because of the things we’ve achieved in the past. We don’t sabotage our opportunities for development because of false contentment and laziness. We now happily achieve instead of trying to achieve happiness.

Here is a shortcut for illustration:

Old perception:

Success = achieving the big goal and target state

Focus = the big goal

Actuation = happiness and satisfaction after achieving the big goal

= discontentedness in the now, doggedness is the present state of mind, just a little bit or no happiness and satisfaction is existent because of the current state, the chase for the luck in the future starts.

New perception:

Success = every little step towards the goal

Focus = the next step towards achieving the goal

Actuation = happiness and satisfaction drawn from every achieved step towards the goal

= contentedness in the now, motivation and ambition are the present state of mind, a lot of happiness and satisfaction is existent because of the current state, we start to enjoy the process.

Conclusion: There is no paradox between self contentment and determination, there is only a favorable and unfavorable perception.

Epilogue: There are a lot of possibilities to up grade your actual state of happiness. My favorite method is the attentiveness meditation. Cultivating attentiveness is very useful and helps to tune the perception as described, because they both go hand in hand. It helps us to accept our imperfectness. It doesn’t matter how many goals we achieve in our life. We will never be perfect, but we can strive to the perfectness and have fun during the process.

It is recommended to apply some time management, too. And it’s also a good idea to let go of few goals. Keeping a small list of just a few but important goals is more effective than striving for everything we want in life.

A last little wisdom: Sitting upright promotes self discipline ;-)

Paul